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How to Gain Confidence: Interactive Lesson
by Ron Kurtus (revised 6 October 2000)
Would you like to be confident in the things you do? Most people would. The problem is that many people aren't sure how. They think it is some mystical trait that some people seem to have and others don't. Actually, it is quite simple and straightforward.
The following interactive lesson will help you learn what is needed to gain confidence. Simply go through the material, answering the questions.
Indication whether your guess is right or wrong is shown on the bottom status bar when your mouse is over the selection.
(If you simply want to read or print out the essay, see: How to Gain Confidence)
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1.
What do you think feeling confident means?
a. Being the best.
b. Being conceited.
c. Being sure of your skills.
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1aWhat feeling confident means
Feeling confident means you are sure of your skills and ability to succeed in a task. Confidence is an internal determination or judgment of how sure you are of your skills.
Your confidence in being able to do something is based on your track record of succeeding in various similar tasks.
Lack of confidence means you aren't sure that you can complete an activity successfully.
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2..
How do you think confidence is obtained?
a. By beating others.
b. By completing a task.
c. By being good looking.
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2a.How confidence is obtained
A person gets confidence by successfully doing something or completing a task and acknowledging that achievement. The internal acknowledgment is recorded in the mind as, "I can do this again."
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3..
Guess why many people aren't confident:
a. They don't acknowledge achievement.
b. They are losers.
c. They don't get paid enough.
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3aWhy people aren't confident
One reason people aren't confident after successfully completing a task or achieving difficult goal is because they often don't acknowledge their achievement and may even demean what they have done.
They put their achievement down by saying something like, "Oh, I was just lucky" or "It wasn't all that good."
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4..
What is another reason some people are not confident?
a. They lack the money to buy happiness.
b. They take on tasks too big to complete.
c. They are unlucky and will never amount to anything.
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4aAnother reason some people aren't confident
Another reason some people aren't confident is because they look at a task or a goal as a large entity. Success or failure is determined by the outcome, which may come after days or months of toiling.
Some people purposely take on tasks that are way over their head, such that they are assured of failure. They do this to re-enforce their perceived lack of self-confidence. There is some strange psychology involved in this situation.
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5..
How do you think you can gain confidence?
a. Acknowledge your successes.
b. Take from the rich, give to the poor, and so on.
c. Be nice to people.
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5aHow you can gain confidence
The way to gain confidence is to:
- break tasks into smaller units,
- acknowledge your success for each step, and
- learn from your mistakes to re-enforce your confidence.
Each item will now be explained.
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6..
Why should you break a task into smaller steps?
a. So you can get overtime pay.
b. To get a series of small successes.
c. To make things even more difficult than before.
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6a.Break the task into smaller steps
Small successes are better than big failures or frustrations. Before you set out to perform a task or try to achieve a goal, you must realize that the activity is really a series of smaller steps. This is an basic concept in any type of project planning.
Thus, instead of waiting until the end to determine if you are successful, you have a series of successes, leading up to the finish.
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7..
Why should you acknowledge success for each step?
a. Success breeds confidence.
b. Acknowledgement means you are bragging.
c. Each step is a hardship for you.
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7aAcknowledge success for each step
Acknowledgement of success breeds confidence. For each one of these steps or mini-tasks, you must acknowledge your success. Congratulate yourself each time you succeed.
If you don't do well, correct your error, but take care about admonishing yourself. In many cases, too much self-criticism that can only bring you down.
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8..
Why should you re-enforce your overall confidence?
a. To show you have power over people.
b. You re-enforce what is not true.
c. Your self-talk can help you feel more confident.
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8aRe-enforce your overall confidence
Giving yourself a pat on the back can make you feel more confident.
This self-talk will re-enforce your acknowledgment of your abilities and increase your confidence as you go along on achieving the greater goal.
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9.Some applications of gaining confidence
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9a.When playing tennis
For example, your goal may be to win a tennis match. Each time you hit the ball, you are performing a mini-task or small step necessary to complete your final goal of winning the game.
Each time you hit the ball solidly, say to yourself, "Good shot." Each time you miss, note what to correct. Perhaps say, "Follow through next time."
Throughout the game, your confidence will build, such that even if you lose the match to a better player, you will feel sure of your overall ability to play well.
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9bWhen managing a program
In another example, a project manager can celebrate small milestones in a major program with his workers in order to build their confidence to effectively achieve this greater goal.
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9cThe mouse that could not lose
In an experiment on animal behavior at the University of Wisconsin about 20 years ago, the scientist would put a mouse with its front feet tied together into the cage of another mouse. The mouse whose area was being trespassed would then easily beat up the poor mouse with the feet tied together.
After a number of victories, the scientist started to put mice in the cage without their feet tied. But our mouse was so confident that he would take on and defeat mice even larger than himself. Normally he would have run away from these larger mice, but he felt he just couldn't lose. And he didn't.
10Summary
You can build your confidence by acknowledging your successes for each step along the way to trying to achieve a goal. The self-congratulations will build and re-enforce your confidence along the way to feeling like a champion.
Students and researchers
The Web address of this page is:
www.school-for-champions.com/excellence/
confwbt.htm.
Please include it as a link on your website or as a reference in your report, document, or thesis.
Where are you now?
How to Gain Confidence - Interactive Lesson