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Feedback Q&A on Excellence

by Ron Kurtus

Readers have sent in a total of 207 comments and questions on Excellence issues. They are listed according to date.

You can read them to further your understanding of the subject.

List of next 10 letters




Firewalk Is it correct to ask, "Do you firewalk?" Brazil
Firewalk Now I understand about walking on hot coals USA
Fear I am suffering from many fears Pakistan
Confidence WBT Lost confidence in playing baseball USA
Confidence WBT I want to speak fluently and properly India
Confidence Do well for a while and then suddenly do poorly USA
Confidence I become nervous in an interview India
3 Champion Areas With studies, how can you keep a relationship going? USA
Confidence Always think of difficulties to prevent my success China
Confidence WBT Am a good rocker but afraid to sing to class India

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First 10 letters

Is it correct to ask, "Do you firewalk?"

Topic: Firewalk


January 29, 2009

Please, I'm a Brazilian, and I'd like to know if it is correct to ask using this construction: "do you firewalk?"

thank you

sandra - Brazil



The "firewalk" is an expression that refers to the experience of walking on hot coals or embers.

If someone is not familiar with the activity, they might be confused if you asked, "Do you firewalk?" It might be better to ask, "Have you ever experienced a firewalk?" And then elaborate on what it is.

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Now I understand about walking on hot coals

Topic: Firewalk


January 18, 2009

I never believed that walking on coals was a metaphysical accomplishment, but now I have an explanation based in fact. Thank you so much as I have some one to share this with!

rolee - USA



Overcoming fears and accomplishing something like the firewalk can give you a great feeling. I am glad you found the information useful.

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I am suffering from many fears

Topic: Fear


December 31, 2008

plz help me, i am in deep trouble. i am suffering from a kind of difficulty that i cannot overcome fears. my fears stop me to accomplish my jobs which are assign to me

i left many of my jobs and also my studies just for the fear that i can't do.

i have left my life partner. i now i am in such a serious condition that i wish to be killed.

plz help me plz

Nisar - Pakistan



Think about what you fear when you are supposed to do tasks that are assigned to you and other aspects in life.

Some people fear failure, because they feel they will be ridiculed if they do not succeed. These people will not complete jobs, because they fear they will fail and do not want to look bad. They will also not take risks.

There are some people who may be such perfectionists that no matter what they do, it will be a failure to them. So, they don't try.

Others fear success. They have a low image of themselves and do not feel they deserve success or achievement. Such a person will often sabotage their own work, so that they will not succeed.

In either case, take a look at the things you have accomplished in your life. Make a list of things you have learned and done--even things that may seem minor. For example, you have learned to use a computer. There are many people who haven't been able to accomplish that. When you list things you have completed and achieved, you can realize that you aren't as fearful as you think. You have talent and the ability to achieve.

But you also need determination to get the things that you want. It takes courage, but if there are things that you want or need, you can overcome all obstacles to get them, even if you were afraid. Don't be a quitter. Set goals and be determined to reach those goals.

I hope these ideas help you overcome your fears and to lead a productive and happy life.

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Lost confidence in playing baseball

Topic: Confidence WBT


July 7, 2008

Hi My name is Austin,
I play baseball in college and have played pretty much my whole life. I have always been one of the best hitters around until about 4 years ago i had so much confidence! I would go up to the plate and i knew something good was about to happen it was awesome! Then i went into a "slump" and didnt to so well for a few games and my coach benched me my self confidence dropped dramatically. I have never been able to get the confidence back. No matter how hard i work no matter how hard i try i cant step in the batters box with the same mentality that i used to have. I have the ability to succeed i know its in me i just dont know how to bring it out! Thanks for listening i hope you can help!

Austin - USA



First of all, you showed several years ago that you had talent and skill in baseball. Although you went in a slump -- which even happens to major-league players -- what the coach did was inexcusable. Instead of helping you work your way out of the slump, he simply destroyed your self-confidence. The coach is the one that should have been benched.

The big problem you have been having is that you are trying too hard and you are focusing on the wrong things. And this is causing you to tighten up within the batters box and not hit the ball properly.

As a solution, start with the basics. Golfer Tiger Woods took of a year from the tour when he realized he had picked up some bad habits, and he saw a video of how his swing was not right. Get someone to videotape you in the batters box and then analyze your swing. You can also have a good baseball coach help you analyze your swing to make sure your fundamentals are correct.

Another thing is to repeatedly visualize yourself swinging at the ball and hitting it. Get a vivid picture in your mind of the pitcher throwing the ball and you swinging and making perfect contact. This type of repeated visualization is used by many professional athletes.

Finally, read the book "Inner Tennis" or "Inner Golf" by Tim Gallwey. Both books go into the "zen" of hitting a ball without trying too hard. It is a very effective approach, especially when in s slump.

I hope these ideas help and you become a great hitter again. Let me know how things turn out.

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I want to speak fluently and properly

Topic: Confidence WBT


May 13, 2008

i want to speak fluently and properly. for that i am doing yoga, meditation and visualisation. it is helping me but in extremely slow manner. i want to be confident like my other friends. but because of my stammering problem i am not able to speak fluently. Please help me. i am doing job and 23 years old.Though i dont stammer a lot, but still i want to speak flently and in a confident way.

reena - India



Speaking fluently and properly requires observation and practice. Yoga, mediation and visualization are good to relax yourself and focus on the task, but they are not substitutes for practice speaking.

People who stutter or stammer require extra concentration to speak clearly. The most important thing is to remember to slow down and try to enunciate your words. If you have something of interest to say and act sure of yourself, then others will listen to you. Sometimes people who stammer need to decide what to say ahead of time.

Do not try to hide the fact that you stammer. Realize that you are at an advantage, because others must pay better attention to you.

A good exercise is to read to yourself aloud. You can record what you say and then listen to see where you can improve. Also, record what fluent people say--perhaps television commentators or public speakers. Then follow along, speaking the same words. This will also help you pronounce words better.

Finally, every time you speak to someone and do well, congratulate yourself. This will help to build your confidence.

Check the following lessons that should help you:

Best wishes in speaking fluently and properly. I know you will do well at it.

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Do well for a while and then suddenly do poorly

Topic: Confidence


April 3, 2008

My struggle is with playing a particular instrument. I actually follow the guidelines listed in your mini-article, and have several days of success, where confidence is high and I feel like I can play just about anything. But then I have a bad day where I can't seem to play near what I had the days before. So I try harder, press more, tell myself to just relax, etc. Things don't get any better after an hour and my confidence is shaken for several days-tensing up until things work out somehow. This cycle continues over and over. Any suggestions?

Jim - USA



The same thing happens with athletes, where they are doing well and then all of a sudden they hit a plateau or just have a bad day. One reason could be that you are getting stale and need a rest. But more often it is becoming too confident and then getting careless.

You know you can do well, so you have the confidence. Don't doubt your abilities. Instead realize that you may have lost your concentration.

Several years ago, golfer Tiger Woods started playing at a lower level. He realized that he had picked up some bad habits, so he hired a golf instructor to help him get back to the basics. When you have a bad day, don't try to press or try too hard. Instead, take a step back and check if you are doing things differently than you had been doing when you where on a roll. Try to visualize your excellent technique to be able to correct things.

But also realize, you might be hitting a plateau where you need to take off a day or so.

I hope these idea help. Best wishes in top performance.

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I become nervous in an interview

Topic: Confidence


March 29, 2008

actually i know i can do anything.but when the right time comes where i had prove myself i often become nervous and loose the easy task.specially during the group discussion and interview times.
what sould i do..?
thanks in advance for helping we people with low self esteem.

sneha - India



Being overconfident can result in failures that actually reduce your confidence and self-esteem. What is most important is to be well-prepared for an interview or group discussion, so that you anticipate possible questions and know the answers.

But also, you need to know when not to talk and to listen.

Not being prepared, as well as trying to say too much, can both result in being nervous and losing your composure.

Also, never tell yourself or anyone else that you have low self-esteem. Instead, phrase it that you are working on improving your esteem.

Best wishes in your interviews.

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With studies, how can you keep a relationship going?

Topic: 3 Champion Areas


January 31, 2008

If you are working towards Excelence in your academic and spiritual life,how can you keep a relationship with a girl.Because i think you have to get one before the orther,so that there will be know much pressure on you.




Although it is important to achieve excellence in your academic and spiritual life, you also need to have excellence in your social relationships. You need to be a well rounded person, because each area affects the other.

First consider your relationship with people you know and your friends. It is good to have people to talk with and with whom you can relax. Occasional relaxation and conversation is important in renewing your energy for your academic studies. Ideally, the young man wants to have a relationship with a girl for these times of relaxation. But also, having good friends can help you gain introductions to girls you want to meet.

In these days, there is so much emphasis on trying to do too much without realizing that social life and relationships are important to be able to do many things. Of course, there are others that emphasize the social and did not want to do any work at all. That is just as bad as working all the time.

Manage your time between your academic, spiritual, and social life. Let others know what is important to you, and they will give you support.

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Always think of difficulties to prevent my success

Topic: Confidence


December 29, 2007

Hi, I found this site by coincident, and also found it helpful to me in alot of ways.
I am a young man lacks of confidence.
1. When ever I do some thing or get an assignment, the first image in my mind is always the possible difficulties, and these make me feel I cant accomplish it, or even I do, I just feel lucky. I know this sounds like a loser, and I know I should try to be positive, but I just cant help from ruining it by myself over and over again.What should I do? or How should I do?

2. The first time that I realised I am so inconfident is when I found I cant sing in front the others. I like music very much, as it is a part of my life. I can do some singing when I am alone, but I became quiet when I am about to sing in front of even only one people. This bothers me alot because my friends know that I am crazy in music, but they also know I cant sing which make me feel like a fake music lover. I think the reasons for this inconfidence is probably that I have never musicaly trained ,and also my experience that got teased by my friends. But how can I overcome this obstacle?

Thanks,tutor! I need you help badly.

Best wishes!

Richard - China



I also love music, but I cannot sing well. After being told my voice was off-tune, I only would sing by myself or if in a group. I accept my lack of talent in that area, but it does not stop me from enjoying music. Not being able to sing well should not stop you from enjoying music. Many people cannot carry a tune. Be honest with yourself and with your friends. Tell them, "My voice is not good for singing. But I am very good at listening and enjoying the music from others."

This attitude should also carry over into tasks you do. When you get an assignment, it is good to be aware of the difficulties involved. But instead of becoming discouraged, knowing those difficulties will allow you to plan out how to complete the assignment. Break the assignment into small tasks that you know you can do. Perhaps each task would have one difficulty. Perhaps even that difficulty can be broken into smaller units. You don't have to be positive. Instead, be methodical.

If the task is easy, you can picture yourself completing it. After you finish each part of the assignment, reinforce your achievement by saying to yourself, "Good job." This will add to your confidence as you go along.

Note that good luck usually results from good planning or preparation.

By continually giving yourself praise on the achievement of things, you will change your self-image, such that you can encourage yourself to take on difficult projects or tasks with confidence.

Best wishes in becoming a champion in what you do. I know you can do it.

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Am a good rocker but afraid to sing to class

Topic: Confidence WBT


December 29, 2007

Actually i think i have a different problem e.g. i know answer of a question i won't answer because i am of afraid of being corrected. Or i am a very good rocker but when i will be asked in class to sing, i will blush and give different excuses. Or if sometimes i want to convey some message i can't.
And i am afriad of public appearances.
In my opinion all these problems are because of lacking confidence so how can i fight against it and come out of it?

Shajer - India



Many people who lack confidence have a fear of failure, such that they will not attempt things because they aren't completely sure of themselves and fear failing and looking foolish.

Answering a question incorrectly can be embarrassing, but you can also learn from your failures. It is better to try and be wrong or fail than not to try at all.

Speaking and singing in public can be fearful, because you are worried you will not do well and others will look down on you. That is why you should start off small and build up your confidence until you can perform in front of a larger audience.

Practice singing in front of a friend or family member that will be honest about your ability and talent. If you do well, try with a few more friends. This will build up your confidence and knowledge of the level of your talent. If you are good, people will tell you that. If you aren't too good, then you can limit your singing performances to those close to you.

Speaking to a group requires the same technique. But you must practice your talk many times before presenting it to your class. See our section on Public Speaking for tips on improving your skill:

Best wishes on improving your confidence.

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