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Feedback Q&A on Being Valuable

by Ron Kurtus

Readers have sent in a total of 17 comments and questions on Being Valuable issues. They are listed according to date.

You can read them to further your understanding of the subject.

List of most recent 10 letters




General Is there a mentorship program? Liberia
Job Value Corrected error Nigeria
Platinum Rule Platinum Rule as a business core value Nigeria
General How can I get praise from people? India
Listen to You I want to be able to correct people's errors USA
Motivation What motivates people to spend their money to get elected? Gambia
Motivation Why are some motivated by strange ends? Ghana
Relationships Sometimes feel like suicide USA
Relationships Feel down on myself USA
Motivation School teacher lacks confidence with others london, uk

Next 10

Is there a mentorship program?

Topic: General


February 20, 2018

If there is any mentorship or training programme u offer I will like to join.

David - Liberia



I'm sorry, but we do not have a mentorship program. However, hopefully the lessons will help you succeed.

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Corrected error

Topic: Job Value


April 4, 2011

There is a slight error on your first paragraph that states; "that others" instead of "than others".

Okoruwa - Nigeria



Thank you for letting me know about the error. I made the correction.

You have proven yourself to be a valuable person.

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Platinum Rule as a business core value

Topic: Platinum Rule


September 13, 2010

Is the platinum rule relevant as a business core value?

Koleoso - Nigeria



In business, the Golden Rule would be to provide your customers the type of goods and services that you would like to receive. However, they may not like what you like.

Thus, the Platinum Rule states that you should provide your customers what they want.

This is the same core value that is used in TQM. It is to seek to satisfy your customer's expectations.

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How can I get praise from people?

Topic: General


May 2, 2009


If I am not able to talk with others how can i get praise from them.

Waiting for your suggestion.


kranthi - India



You need to do the very best you can in the work that you do. The problem doing good work is a great reward. Getting praise for things done in your job is enjoyable, but it is a rare reward.

If you don't personally interfaced with people, you can write up summary of your achievements. Certainly your supervisor knows what you do and receives feedback from others about the work that you do. A good boss will praise his workers, but many of them don't.

How often do you praise other people? Getting praise must be a two-way street. If you praise and congratulate others on the good job that they did, sooner or later they will reciprocate and praise you too.

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I want to be able to correct people's errors

Topic: Listen to You


December 27, 2007

How can you help me to have good speaking skills?
I would like to be able to speak honestly in correcting people's errors.
Thank you for having this web site and for allowing me to send this e-mail.

Ivanhoe - USA



You can get ideas of how to improve your speaking skills in our section on Public Speaking at:

But you must be very careful in correcting errors of other people. Most people do not appreciate someone correcting them. They assume the other person is simply trying to appear superior.

The best way to correct someone is to first ask permission. Even then, it must be done sparingly, and you must know that the person will not take offense to the correction.

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What motivates people to spend their money to get elected?

Topic: Motivation


December 1, 2007


Lamin - Gambia



People seek political office for various reasons. One reason is because they want to lead in improving society. Others may get into politics for the prestige of becoming a person who can influence policy. Still others due it for the feeling of power. And finally, there are people who seek public office, because they see it as a way to gain wealth through their influence.

Some wealthy people can spend much of their own money to become elected to a public office. One reason is that they may be bored with their lives and becoming an elected official could give them the challenge and meaning in life. Or it may be a way to gain prestige and honor that they can't get simply be being rich. There are others that feel investing their money in getting elected will allow them to make even more money and be even more powerful than they already are.

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Why are some motivated by strange ends?

Topic: Motivation


September 4, 2006

What explain the mystery behind certain individuals who are motivated by strange ends or rewards?

Jonathan - Ghana



Although a person may seem to be motivated by some reward or outcome, in reality they have a vague idea that using the reward or outcome will bring them pleasure.

For example, a person may be motivated to work hard to purchase a strange looking hat. Why would he waste his time for that? Well, he may think that wearing such a hat will get others to notice him and make him feel important. So, it is what comes from the use that is the true driving force.

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Sometimes feel like suicide

Topic: Relationships


September 22, 2005

why is it when i "feel" that the relationship that i am in, whichever and or whenever it occurs, is in trouble of falling apart that i jump right into wanting to commit suicide? would that be like the same as low self-esteem or no confidence? and if it's like no confidence then isn't expected to have low or no confidence when you have the feelings that your relationship is falling apart?

lord i hope i am making sense with asking these questions because i really do need an answer and some help and when i ask this question people want to suggest going to see a doctor and they immediatly want to suggest drugs and im tired of them. i mean the drugs, they all have bad side effects that change your personality and thats not want im looking to do.

i would rather have a good person to talk this out with even though i know it would be extremely hard for that person to put up with. is this understandable?

anyway if you can answer this then thank you.

Bill - USA



Any time a relationship starts to fall apart, it can be a blow to your ego and feeling of worth. The only time that doesn't happen is if you get sick of the other person.

It sounds like you get too tied up in your relationships. Perhaps you get too dependent on having a "perfect" relationship. You might back off from having a relationship and look for simply having some companionship. Like, you ask someone out for some conversation and good company. Or even some romance. You don't need to be establishing a relationship--which implies something long-term--until you really find you have rapport with the person.

One good way of dealing with disagreements and problems in a relationship or even a friendship it to look at it as some miscommunication. Say that perhaps you misunderstood something or that you were unclear in communicating what you felt or meant. That often can help to settle things.

Committing suicide is often an easy way out to avoid dealing with a problem. Threats of it is also a way to try to get attention and sympathy. Letting the other person know you feel that way is the sure way to ruin a relationship.

Take stock of all the blessings you have and all the positive things in your life. Be grateful for them. So then don't try to throw them away by some foolish--and selfish--act.

I feel that the anti-depressant medication and other drugs should be a last resort. Before you have to turn to that, try to clean up the garbage that has clogged up your life so far, and that includes the toxic people who criticize you. Then start with a clean slate and be a new person. Be positive to yourself and to others. Realize that no one is perfect and that everyone has their good and bad days. Move forward with your life and the people you know.

Best wishes in moving in the right direction.

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Feel down on myself

Topic: Relationships


September 20, 2005

My problem is lack of confidence in life, work, relationship, and even with in myself. I feel that I am no good for a person in general. I do know that I help others and such, but as a person as a whole I feel that I am failure. And I also know that alot of that feeling comes from my childhood. But I can not seem to kick the bad thoughts out of my head, and it gets so obvious to others when I have been rejected in one way or another that they just can not stand to be around me. Even my current relationship feels the strain.
And to be very honest I doubt myself so much at times I do not want to be alive anymore. I constantly feel like I can not succeed in any thing life has to offer.

Bill - USA



It sounds like you had received a lot of negative feedback from others over the years to get you into this state. Also, you may have some unrealistic expectations.

What you need to do is to take a step back and look at your life. Then make some changes that will get you on the right track.

One thing is to avoid toxic people who will put you down. If it is family members, tell them you won't visit if they continue to be critical of you. But also, you need to react positively when people praise you. Don't ignore praise. Say "Thank you" and appreciate it, even if you don't think you deserve it.

Make a list of everything you have ever achieved, as well as good things you have done. This shows that you have a lot to offer and can accomplish things. It also shows your value to others. Keep adding to that list as thoughts come up. Acknowledge your positive points.

Also list things you like to do and enjoy. This can also be a wish list of things you would like to achieve in your live.

If you want, make another list all your bad and negative attributes. List all the times people have rejected you and done bad things to you. Then take that paper and set it on fire. Burn it. It is gone. It is in the past. You are starting new and fresh.

Get into the habit of praising yourself for things you do. Say, "Good job, Bill." This acknowledgement builds up your confidence and esteem. If you goof up, take it as a lesson to be learned and state a corrective action. "Next time, I'll be more caring to her."

It is a slow process, but getting into the habit of giving yourself positive feedback and encouragement will soon help to overcome all the years of negative feedback.

As far as rejection goes, think of yourself as a door-to-door salesman. Rejection isn't personal. They just weren't ready for what you have to offer. Then move on to the next potential customer.

I hope these ideas help. It is a tough job to overcome negative attitudes, but it is well worth the effort involved.

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School teacher lacks confidence with others

Topic: Motivation


February 8, 2005

dear sir
i read your article with interest. i have a small problem - i am a teacher - at school - in a classroom i am very confident - (i teach adults) - at school i am pretty confident - but outside place of work i have no confidence - especially when i meet people or try to form a relationship - i always think and feel intimidated and feel people are better than me - i feel i do not deserve to have a relationship, for example with a lawyer or artist or people whom i consider 'better than me'

i have tried to read books to build my confidence with in vain.

please advise me


n sheikh

- london, uk



Being a teacher means you are educated and should be respected for your achievements. You must convince yourself that you are worthy of that respect. This is your self-esteem.

A big problem in the UK for a minority or person from another country is that some British people feel and act as if they are superior. They act that way even to visitors from the U.S. This can be discouraging and make a person lose confidence in dealing with people.

Also, there are some professions where people feel they are superior to other professions. Doctors and lawyers are good examples of this.

What you need to do is to build up your own identity and sense of worth. Write down all the good things you do and the accomplishments you have achieved since graduating from school. Look at all the adults you have helped to educate. Make a list and realize that you have been a champion in what you have done.

Now when you interact with other people, you have something you can tell about in which you are proud. But also when you interact, consider yourself an equal. Even if you met the Queen, you would be gracious and respectful, but you also can present yourself as a person who is of value to the country.

Another thing in dealing with people is to realize that those who may try to act better than you usually have many self-doubts. By knowing who you are, you can find people who are interested in you and appreciate your profession. Those are the people you want to have for friends or relationships.

Start by making that list of your accomplishments and activities. Looking at it will make you realize that you have a lot to offer.

I hope these ideas help. Best wishes in your efforts, and let me know how things turn out.

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